Satire: Islamist terrorists beg to be taken seriously

In November 2015, after the Paris terror attacks, Iraqi-born humanist Faisal al-Mutar published on his site the text below (hattip: Prof. Coyne). Bulgarian readers can read a translation here.


I am a jihadist and I am tired of not being given credit

It must be incredibly frustrating as an Islamic Jihadist not to have your views and motives taken seriously by the societies you terrorize, even after you have explicitly and repeatedly stated them. Even worse, those on the regressive left, in their endless capacity for masochism and self-loathing, have attempted to shift blame inwardly on themselves, denying the Jihadists even the satisfaction of claiming responsibility.

It’s like a bad Monty Python sketch:

“We did this because our holy texts exhort us to to do it.”

“No you didn’t.”

“Wait, what? Yes we did…”

“No, this has nothing to do with religion. You guys are just using religion as a front for social and geopolitical reasons.”

“WHAT!? Did you even read our official statement? We give explicit Quranic justification. This is jihad, a holy crusade against pagans, blasphemers, and disbelievers.”

“No, this is definitely not a Muslim thing. You guys are not true Muslims, and you defame a great religion by saying so.”

“Huh!? Who are you to tell us we’re not true Muslims!? Islam is literally at the core of everything we do, and we have implemented the truest most literal and honest interpretation of its founding texts. It is our very reason for being.”

“Nope. We created you. We installed a social and economic system that alienates and disenfranchises you, and that’s why you did this. We’re sorry.”

“What? Why are you apologizing? We just slaughtered you mercilessly in the streets. We targeted unwitting civilians – disenfranchisement doesn’t even enter into it!”

“Listen, it’s our fault. We don’t blame you for feeling unwelcome and lashing out.”

“Seriously, stop taking credit for this! We worked really hard to pull this off, and we’re not going to let you take it away from us.”

“No, we nourished your extremism. We accept full blame.”

“OMG, how many people do we have to kill around here to finally get our message across?”

Islamist terror strikes again in France and elsewhere

I cannot keep track of Islamist terror attacks anymore. They are ever-increasing, turning into a scary new normal. Here are several recent massacres that I have not blogged about:

- December 2, 2015 in San Bernardino, California, USA: A US citizen of Pakistani origin and his Pakistani-born wife opened fire on the Christmas party of his colleagues, 14 victims.

- March 22, 2016 in Brussels, Belgium: The airport and a subway station were bombed by Islamists, mostly Belgians of Moroccan origin (and one Swede of Syrian origin), 32 victims.

- March 27, 2016 in Lahore, Pakistan: Bombing in a park targeted Christians celebrating Easter (though most of those killed turned out to be Muslim), 75 victims, many of them children.

- June 8, 2016 in Tel Aviv, Israel: People at a cafe were shot at by two Palestinians, 4 victims. (This is just one of numerous terror attacks in Israel.)

- June 12, 2016 in Orlando, Florida, USA: A US citizen born to Afghan immigrants opened fire in a gay nightclub, 49 victims. Leftist commentators, still in denial about the Islamist threat, blamed the hateful American culture, the guns, Donald Trump, in other words, everything except Islam.

- And now, July 14, 2016 in Nice, France: Crowds celebrating Bastille Day (the national holiday of France) were smashed by a heavy cargo truck driven by a Tunisian-born immigrant, 84 victims.

To honor the victims of the latter atrocity and all people of France, which has suffered 3 major terror attacks in a year and a half, I have embedded Joe Dassin's Le Cafe Des Trois Colombes (thanks to a friend who helped me find it). It is a very beautiful song, very French, and nostalgic. One can listen to it and think of the good old days when France and the entire Western world had not yet been "enriched" by a fanatical, barbaric, anti-human 7th century cult.

If someone from a Muslim country is reading this, he might wish to correct me: "In those good old days, Islam also kept killing. The only difference was that the victims were all from our nations. And in the above list, you have omitted many horrific attacks in Iraq, Syria, Nigeria, Pakistan, Turkey."

Yes, this is true. But when air leaks on a plane, you put the oxygen mask on your face first. It is human nature to care most for ourselves, then for those whom we feel closest. I have grown up with French novels, French songs, French paintings. So please forgive me for feeling France closer.